Being in our thirties, most of our friends are parents - a lot of them new parents. And we noticed a trend – they were all obsessed with wipes. "Oh they're great - you can use them for literally all-sorts" they said. Now, not having any kids in our household, we mocked their appreciation for these 'magical' wipes and were confident that we could live a happy and fulfilling life without any kind of wipes.
Then we adopted Elvis.
Now, unlike our friends and peers, our new addition to the family has four legs (don't worry – he's meant to be like that) and as we soon discovered, creates as much mess as the average toddler. From muddy streaks on the white tiled kitchen floor, to pawprints on the cream sofa - and don't even talk about the inside of the car… he might be two years old, but he's still a messy pup.
So we got ourselves a pack of wipes you know… "they might be handy" we said. Soon realised wipes were very much a 'must-have' item on the list when venturing anywhere with Mr. Four-Legs. Especially when carrying out our duty as good-citizens and finding that our finger had inadvertently burst through a very full poo bag.
We must confess however, there have been times when we haven't had any wipes on us - and we really wished we had: not all of Elvis's incidents have been entirely predictable.
Here's a run down of some of his best (or worst) ones:
The car-sick incident
Elvis has a disgusting penchant for licking the inside of the recycling bin whenever he gets the opportunity. He knows he's not allowed to – but left unattended, he'll clamber up and see how tasty the 'bin-juice' is on any given day. So shortly after he was busted for having his face in the bin one weekend, we embarked on a reasonably long car journey to the beach. A mere 3 minutes after setting off, Elvis promptly threw up on the back seat. He spent the remainder of the journey staring at it forlornly before eating half of it and then licking our heads from his spot in the back seat. Gross.
The gum incident
After returning from a busy day out with Elvis, we noticed a prominent lump in his armpit. (We know that's probably not the correct term, but it's easier to describe). Immediately we thought "tumor!" and panicked. Upon closer investigation however, we discovered it was blue. And smelled minty. Turns out somehow - probably while lying down on the pavement - he'd managed to ensnare a glob of discarded gum in his fur, which was now stuck fast to his skin, and had no intention of budging – scissors were not an option. So with a bowl of warm olive oil to loosen the gum, and a handful of wipes to help tease it out, we managed (with a bit of wriggling and yelping) to remove he offending object. Result.
The licking a stranger's head incident(s)
Elvis likes to go on the bus. He likes to look out of the window and look smug as he is whisked past other dogs who have to walk everywhere. Unfortunately he also likes to lick the head of whoever is sat infront – especially if they're a bit baldy. On more than one occasion one of us has had to apologetically hand a fresh wipe to the slightly-annoyed person infront so that they can clean off the offending doggy-saliva. Slighty embarrassing.
The wee'ing in the bus station incident(s)
Bus stations are weird aren't they? Not quite outside spaces… not quite inside spaces. Either way, our local interchange is definitely one of those public areas where dogs cocking their legs is pretty much frowned upon – especially by the ever-present crew of cleaners. Sadly, Elvis regards the bus-station as 'outside' - mostly we presume because if he can see pigeons, he's outside. (Which is fair enough really). So on the odd occasion, he has a wee in the bus-station… and we dutifully get a handful of wipes out – because getting into trouble with an angry lady carrying a mop is not something we like to encourage.
The Poo-ing on a Golden Retriever's Head incident
Yes… this did actually happen. While running free in a local park, Elvis 'set about his business', as dogs do. What he didn't see, was an elderly Golden Retriever approaching from over a small hill. At the worst-possible-moment, the Golden Oldie decided to engage in the ubiquitous canine greeting otherwise known as bum-sniffing. Let's just say he got more than he was expecting – right on the nose. Fortunately, his owner was quite cheery about the whole affair. "Don't worry – he's done it before" she announced. We handed her a wipe anyway.